HIS & HERS !!!

I recently saw a twitter thread that talked about how women in heterosexual relationships are least likely to have a genuinely supportive partner.

The tweet limits it’s explanation to female artists within the music industry who while mastering their art also want to be in romantic relationships but have it difficult. I personally don’t believe the tweet lied one bit and while it focuses on artists, I believe women, in general, have this same problem. Even though women are now able to reach heights that were previously unattainable but find themselves being limited by the man with whom they’re in a relationship. Because there is the general notion that men are supposed to be the “head” in any situation, it has then become a norm in many cases for women to be under-supported because of perceived gender roles.

One of my favorite shows, MADAM SECRETARY (you’re missing out if you haven’t seen it) gives a perfect example of what a supportive husband should be like. In the show, the wife not the husband is the secretary of state, who juggles diplomatic crises around the world. and has 2 children. The dynamics of the relationship with her husband is so beautiful. From the point of her appointment, he’s been supportive throughout and at no point in time has he tried to make her feel guilty because she has an arguably more “successful” career than him. He isn’t threatened by her wealth and powerful position in society. Most times you’d hear us men talk about wanting to be in a relationship with a strong, independent, ambitious woman but we lack the bravado or the right temperament to handle one. This stems from ingrained gender roles and the lack of effort of men to unlearn what we’ve been taught since birth.

One of the main goals in a relationship is the art of building each other up but most of us have fragile egos which cause us to limit the growth of the person we are. It may not be as blatant or as profound as you’d think. It comes in subtle forms, from telling her things like “oh you talk too much” or not allowing her to speak her truth or even voice her opinion on all things because you feel as if what she has to say isn’t relevant enough. These things take power away from women which overtime causes her to resent you.

Most times nowadays, you’d hear loads of guys talking about wanting to be in a relationship with a strong, independent woman. Lol. Like most things its easier said than done because you must work at it every single day. If most men find themselves in a relationship where the woman is earning more than he is, then chances are he’ll be intimidated or feel a bit threatened. This reaction is mostly understandable because from time immemorial it has been the accepted norm that men are “supposed” to be the primary breadwinner of the home so you can see why it would be difficult for us men to accept certain changes. After all, a friend of mine once said we’re all a product of our communities. In that what we see around us growing up is what most of us perceive to be normal and it isn’t a strange thing that most people will be resistant to change because well, its NEW, STRANGE. Therefore, I feel there’s a need to unlearn unprogressive ideas or thought processes that have been ingrained in us over time.

Let me be the first to say I haven’t always adhered to everything I just said especially in arguments where I have the tendency to make someone else feel irrelevant or as if what they have to say is not as important as what I’ve got to say (I’m working on that). I strongly believe it is our responsibility as men to never make our QUEENS feel disregarded or powerless. We ought always to support their dreams because society has made us believe that a woman cannot be significant without a significant other (A BIG LIE). Best believe a woman can reach whatever heights she wants to whether she has a man by her side to support her.

Oh, and quick advice for the women reading this. NEVER LET A MAN HOLD YOU BACK OR MAKE YOU FEEL AS IF YOU AREN’T IMPORTANT. CHOOSE TO OFFEND PEOPLE WITH UNADULTERATED CONFIDENCE AND RISE.